Torn Apart



Last month I had my heart broken. Not broken really, but completely torn apart. It was SO painful that I thought I must have actual tears on my heart. I imagined bleeding, oozing, red and angry wounds. I was beside myself with grief and had actual physical pain in my chest. I was wounded, down for the count and bodily harmed. I laid around like an ICU patient mainlining white wine and tearing through my share of kleenex, willing the suffering to end.

In between episodes of Grey’s Anatomy I got to thinking that this pain I was feeling made sense since my heart, is an actual muscle. Anatomically it’s composed of cardiac muscle and connective tissue that could in theory well, tear. Years ago, back in my dancing days, I suffered a bona-fide hamstring laceration, commonly known as “dancer or yogi butt”. Your hamstring (or the muscle that’s in the back of your upper leg), has two places that it’s muscle fibers become connective tissue that then attach to your bones. The sits bones is one of them, thus the feeling your butt hurts (and it DOES!) when you pull those hamstring muscles. I was in agony and eventually had to stop dancing for the first time in my life. During that time, I was desperate for an end date to my pain and a physical therapist told me my hamstring tear could take up to 12 weeks to heal at least!  I was desperate to heal and get out of pain. I found myself afraid to move, calculating the risk in all my movements including my weekly Pilates practice.


A big part of my role as a Pilates instructor is to remind people how to move and show them that they can trust their bodies. While I’m NO WHERE qualified enough to be a healer (not enough college, just following what Joe created) I do use my experience, both physically and emotionally to help people heal. One of the hardest things about injury is learning to trust again. Learning to trust that the pain will fade. Learning to trust that your body will and can move again safely. Learning to trust that someone new won’t rip your heart out of your chest and stomp on it. However challenging this is, it is necessary for a full life. A life filled with love and freedom of movement. Joe said, “The mind when housed within a healthful body, possesses a glorious sense of power.” Learning to love and move again is the most empowering thing you can do with your life. In this life we must learn to trust our heart and the steps our feet will make.

My recovery from that old dance injury ended up taking a lot longer than 12 weeks. I STILL feel the scar tissue from time to time in my butt. Chances are that if my hamstring took months to heal so will the emotional tears on my heart. There may always be some scarring there but the strength will be greater than ever and most of all- my trust in myself will bloom. You can do anything in the studio or in life if you trust yourself. You’ve got to dance like no one’s watching, love like you’ve never been hurt, and move like anything’s possible.


Whether your healing from a physical or emotional injury the teachers at FORM have your back! Come and visit us in our NYC studio and we can teach you how to trust your body again. Get three private sessions for $250. Schedule it today!

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