Only in New York City can a blizzard be such a social event. Like a juicy piece of gossip, my fellow Manhattanites are milking this snow shit for all it’s worth. “Did you know this could be really bad,” they say. “Worst storm since 1947, 60 inches.” Cue dramatic death music. If you drink the Kool-aid and watch the news, you may have a mini heart attack at the gravity of the sitch…which is precisely why I steer clear of that nonsense. And hey — there’s a chance it could be really that bad but we like to make a drama out of the most banal headlines — we’re New Yorkers! Here are the real reasons that Blizzards in the city are hell…
- There’s NO kale left!
That’s right!!!! No kale for your salads, soups, or smoothies. What ever will we do? Screw water, batteries, and canned food. We need our super food yo! And can we talk about the line at Whole Foods? Really?!? How can they expect me to wait 30 minutes to pay for the contents of my artisanal charcuterie and cheese plate?!? This must be what third world countries are like…
- I’ll have to make a cup of my own coffee?!?
Starbucks is closing?!? The fancy coffee place around the corner is unmanned as well??? Who will make my Flat White? Oh the horror.
- Everyone is getting wine/beer/whiskey/insert favorite spirit here
I mean, why do we all have to all have the same alcoholic tendencies? While the lines for vino were nothing like those for the Kale, I still had to wait to pay for my booze longer than usual, AND carry the heavy bottles back to my snow den ALL BY MYSELF since they nixed delivery early. Thank God I made it back with enough alcohol for 10 blizzards. Whew.
- Snow facials hurt
If I knew there was a storm of this magnitude I would have forwent my weekly microdermabrasion treatment. I really hope that my skin can take this level of exfoliation. That bitch Mother Nature really has it out for me.
- Instagraming and Netflix is all there is to do
Now that work and school is closed, I’m forced to binge watch episodes of Black Mirror and movies such as Charlie’s Angel’s: Full Throttle all day long while posting pictures of snow on the Insta. Life is cruel.
So now you know why Juno was hell for me why was Juno it for you? Leave your woes below!
Lindsay Lopez is a dynamic force of nature. Years in tutus and tights paid off with wild success as a dancer and actress. Years in the “biz” taught her that dreams can come true, with plenty of planning and TONS of action to back them up. With a vision of helping her fellow instructors make what they deserve and live a life they love, Lindsay created FORM Pilates Union Square to focus on trainers rather than the clientele. The result was a workspace for teachers who love to teach and clients love to learn. Although Lindsay teachers less and less, she is breathing new life into a stale industry. Her wish is to provide her peers with the business training they so desperately need. As a positive coach and gutsy mentor, Lindsay Lopez is changing the Pilates business for the better.