How To Detox Your Life of Negative People And Not Feel Bad About It

This week I welcome Chin Pham. Chin and I met at our mentor Marie Forleo’s Rich, Happy, Hot Live last year in NYC. We sat next to each other all weekend, experiencing all the wicked speakers, Marie’s brilliance, and shaking our booties every time someone spun the  wheel of dance (that’s right- wheel o’dance!). This girl could MOVE and I fell in love with her energy and enthusiasm for entrepreneurship and her calling as a life coach. We vowed to stay in touch and I thought she would be a perfect addition to our little blog. This week she’s written this handy post about detoxing negative peeps from your life. Take this girls advice people- it will help you not just with your life but also in your business! Now on with her post….

“Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great.” – Mark Twain

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Firstly: my definition of a toxic person- Someone who complains and dumps their problems on you but doesn’t do anything to change their situation. Someone who is not supportive. Someone who makes you feel bad. Someone who shoots down your bright ideas, big goals, or bold (and risky) decisions that you need to make in order to be successful.

Secondly, this article isn’t intended to reprimand or paint toxic people in a negative light. Toxic people are usually in a place in their life where they are not open to constructive feedback or changing, so they are stuck in their current situation and don’t have the insight to see beyond their own struggles. And that’s okay. This article is meant to advocate for you so you don’t allow their negativity to impact your life.

First, why it’s important to detox your life of negative people:

  • Negative people slow you down towards achieving your goals. Whether they know it or not, they end up discouraging you from being ambitious or following your dreams by questioning what you’re doing and planting doubts into your head.
  • Negative energy from toxic people affect your energy level, not to mention your stress and anxiety. Ultimately, it’s your health and well-being, so you are responsible for taking care of it!
  • You need to create space for positive change to happen. Being in toxic relationships with people and allowing their negative energy into your life will hold you back from manifesting opportunities for success. Also, releasing negative people will create space for the positive people to enter, who will encourage, support, and help you grow as a person.

How to detox negative people from your life:

Step 1: Decide that you’re worth it

  • You need to feel as if you’re worthy of achieving your goals and changing into the person you want to be. Letting go of any negativity in your life will help you get there faster. You’ve got to be committed to doing this for yourself otherwise your guilt for letting go of these relationships will prevent you from moving forward (more in Step 3).
  • How to realize you’re worth it: Decide. Simply make the choice and decide that it’s time you committed to yourself, your goals, and your dreams and you won’t let anything or anyone slow you down.
  • Think about the negative side effects of holding onto these relationships. Ask yourself:
    • What effect are these relationships having on my life?
    • What are my goals and how badly do I want to achieve them? Are these people supporting my goals or slowing me down?

 

Step 2: Identify the toxic people

  • Toxic people make you feel worse than when you started talking to them. They bring your energy level down. They leave you feeling bummed out. Notice how your body feels after talking to them, particularly your chest and stomach which are areas where most of us carry stress and anxiety.
  • There is a difference between someone sharing with you their struggles/challenges vs someone who constantly complains. The difference is the prior is willing to listen to constructive feedback and is open to change (and does change). Conversely, the latter (i.e. whiners and complainers) don’t want to change and just want you to feel sorry for them.
  • They shoot down your ideas. e.g., They question what you’re doing. They may say something like, “Well, maybe you shouldn’t change careers because you have so much job security here. What about your benefits? Or your retirement?” This is pretty common and sometimes subtle and harder to notice. Even though it may sound like they’re giving you advice, in the end they’re just putting more doubts into your head because your actions may bring up their own fears and insecurity.
  • Toxic people can fall within the spectrum of being subtly draining to all around toxic and poisonous. Even if they fall on the less severe end of the “toxic people spectrum”, it’s important to identify this and work towards letting them go as they will still affect you negatively.

 

Step 3: Let them go

  • Just start. Use whatever method you think is appropriate. Avoid them. Don’t pick up their calls. Apologize for being distant but you do not need to explain why or defend your actions.
  • You don’t have to explain anything to them unless you feel like you need to because they’re being persistent and pushy. Avoid explanation because they are probably in a state of mind where they won’t listen to what you have to say, take it personally that you are letting them go, will probably get on the defensive if you try to justify your reasons.
  • Do it gracefully and with love. Send them off with love and a prayer. Be open to the possibility that if and when they are ready to change and be more positive/supportive, then you would be open to rekindling the relationship.

 

Step 4: Don’t feel guilty

  • Again, you are worth it. You must be your own BEST FRIEND. If you don’t take charge of your life and well-being, nobody will do it for you!
  • You are not abandoning them even though you may feel like that. There is a distinction between abandoning someone vs letting them go so they can find their own way. If you’ve already tried giving them advice, encouragement, or even a wake-up call and nothing happened, then no amount of wise words from you will change their thinking or behavior.
  • It’s not your obligation. You may keep these people in your life because you feel like you have to or you’re obligated to. Maybe they’ve been your closest friend since grade school. Or maybe they’re your cousin and you feel obligated through your blood ties. Whatever the reason, people grow and change and it’s normal for relationships to evolve.

 

Step 5: Bring in the positivity!  Surround yourself with positive people. These are people who:

  • Support your ambitions
  • Encourage your ideas no matter how scary, risky, or seemingly unknown the outcome could be because they know how important it is for you.
  • Are up to big things. They are people you admire because you think they kick ass in life!

You are worth it and you can do this. It begins with an intention to change your life and a commitment to yourself.

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Chinh small FINALChinh Pham is a fear conqueror and life revolutionizer helping people embrace their inner badass so they can create a bigger vision for their biz and life!

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Ask Lindsay- To Discount or Not to Discount?

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“What do you do if someone asks for a discount on your rate? Does it always devalue your product to give the discount or is it better to have the client?” 

~Sandi New Jersey

If I had a dollar for every time a client asked for a discount I’d never have to teach Pilates again. I’d be rich! But honestly, I know what it’s like. When I was starting out on my own, teaching in my ultra-small home studio, almost 1 out of 5 potential clients would ask for a discount. At the time I took it as an experiment in pricing (or I was too chicken to stand up for myself;) and would change my prices willy nilly. It got so bad that I couldn’t even remember who’s rate was what! Now that I’m more established, I still get the occasional appeal for a rebate but very rarely. What’s different? Me! I grew a backbone that’s what! A favorite quote of mine is, “You teach people how to treat you” (tweet that!) How are you teaching people to treat you? Bottom line: If you believe you aren’t worth your rate, neither will they.

Now, how do you get from where you are today to where you want to be? Practice. Most likely you’ve heard that Joe Pilates said, “Rome wasn’t built in a day” when he talks about learning the Pilates method. Whether it’s your practice of doing Pilates or being a killer biz-nass person it takes time, a little coaching, and LOTS OF PRACTICE to become good at it! Build your “business muscle” step by step with this advice:

Grow Some Balls or ovaries, if you please. ;) Here’s the thing with business (and you’ll hear me say it often), it’s not personal. You have to be tough since everyone and their mother will ask for a discount because honestly, that’s good business. If something is negotiable, then you NEGOTIATE! It’s your job as your own boss-lady to make your rates NON-NEGOTIABLE and stick to your guns. Know your worth and believe in it. You  are  worth  it. End of story. Period.

Know Your Market In Sandi’s case, and like most of the instructors I mentor, their biggest issue is recognizing their market. Did you know you have the ability to pick your clients? You should know exactly who you want to work with and focus on attracting just that. Spend some time investigating your ideal client. What do they do? Where do they live? Why do they want to do Pilates, and how much would it be worth to them to <insert one> get rid of back pain, have a sleek physique, or improve their posture? Look at your current clients, chances are there’s someone you just light up at the thought of working with and wouldn’t dare ask for a discount? Wouldn’t you want more clients like them? Focus on what you want and remember all that you bring to the session and what you are offering. Think of giving them a deal and imagine how you’ll feel working with this client for less than you deserve. Like sha-poopie that’s what.

Add Value Instead of Discounting A great marketing tool, which will keep money in your pocket and satisfy even the best of the coupon-clipping mamas, is to add more value to your offer instead of discounting it. Can you throw in a free mat class to a package of privates? Customize a little homework video for a new client? Send weekly recipes or tips on how to eat healthy? Get creative (sky’s the limit) and think of ways you can add to your current service to make it more valuable, and worth every penny.

Have you had this happen to you? Did you do the discount dance? If so how’d it go? Leave your comments below. Have a question you’re dying for me to answer email me here

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3 Reasons Your Dream Vacation Should Include Pilates

61327_482971375079564_2055079243_nFor some of us, the ideal vacation is one that includes binging on nachos and sipping drinks that have umbrellas in them. We dream about lying around trying to become the darkest shade of ourselves and throwing the threat of skin cancer to the wind. We MIGHT lift a finger to flip the page of our book or summon the waiter for another round, but we scoff at the site of the hotel gym and tennis courts. Vacations are for vegging out, right? Well, kinda.

We all need our down time. Especially as hyper-active New Yorkers, we need to slow our roll and be still (literally and figuratively). While occasionally it can be in our best interest to be debauch and sloth-like, sometimes we come home needing a vacation from our vacation, still hungover from Pina Colada #251. There’s a new kind of vacation coming on the scene. One that rejuvenates instead of depletes; hydrates instead of de-hydrating. It aims to make you feel like the best version of yourself, ready to face the world with a smile when you step off the plane at home. This spa-centric vacation can be just the thing you need to light your fire and set you right. Here are my 3 reasons that vacations should most definitely include Pilates:

  1. In Pilates, there is no stress. Pilates is one of THE most gentle forms of exercise out there. Your 80-year-old grandma could do it, injured bodies use it for rehab, virtually anyone can do it without stress on their joints or muscles. Choosing to do Pilates with a good teacher (not someone who got their certification in a drive-thru) will prevent a sprained ankle from rock climbing or a getting stitches for the gash you received while scuba diving.
  2.  Pilates is meditation for those who need to be tricked into meditating. Classically, we do Pilates without music in a quiet focused environment. Attention is on the precision, the breath, the flow. You don’t have time to think about your dog sitter back in the city or the work piling up on your desk while you’re away. Even if your mind does wander, your instructor will gently guide you back to the moment. This mindfulness will have you asking, “where the heck did that hour go?” You were doing a moving meditation….gotcha!
  3.  Pilates feels good. Coming from the muscle-ripping, joint-cracking life of a professional dancer, Pilates was my happy place. Quite simply, it just feels SO good. You’re stretching, strengthening, moving bits you never even knew you could move. All the while breathing deeply. Pilates will open you up where you are tight, strengthen what you’re lacking, relax and de-stress you with oxygen filled breath. You’ll sleep great, get relief from any aches and pains, and also look damn good in your bikini.

Are you convinced yet? I’ll be taking these two amazing vacations next year and adding Pilates. Yes, there will be some sweat and some hard work on the mat, but there will also be some good down time, great company, and even a few drinks with umbrellas in them.

Get your personalized travel session by visiting our studio. By learning the technique of Pilates in a private, bespoke environment you will be able to maintain your FORM anywhere you go. Let us show you how!

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Ask Lindsay- Email Woes

email-marketing-stats“How do you do send out email blasts so the people won’t automatically toss it to junk?” ~Jamie Los Angeles

Great question Jamie! We’ve all had this issue. You kill yourself over creating content and then it’s all crickets and tumbleweeds. IS ANYONE THERE???? In my experience building a tribe takes time and patience, but here’s a few tricks and tips I can offer to make the waiting less painful….

  • Have an Organic List I’m not talking pesticides and fertilizers here. Your email list should consist ONLY of email address that people have freely given. They must have opted-in or requested your correspondence. Dumping the entirety of your address book into your email marketing program will leave you with bunk analytics and un-opens up the wazoo. Make sure to get permission to add emails to your list. It’s called SPAM if you don’t and it’s against the law.
  • Be Interesting to Your Client Base Know who you are marketing to, then figure out what it is they are interested in. Yes, Pilates articles, workouts, and tips are valuable but what else can you offer? Maybe nutritious eating tips, articles on health, or even fashion, shopping, or wine reviews. People will read your stuff if it’s interesting to them so figure out what you and your ideal client have in common and share!
  • Speak Like a Human Make sure that your marketing material has an authentic voice. Writing copy like a robot is a sure turn off. You can test your writing by asking your bestie to read it. If she’s like, “who the hell is that?” then it’s back to the drawing board. Write like how you speak, not like you are writing an essay for English Lit.
  • Testing 123 Test the times and days you send your emails. Most email marketing providers have analytics that you can see your percentage of opens. Try sending your correspondence at different times to determine which is best for your audience.
  • Grab them at Hello Your subject lines are the first thing people see and they need to be good. People love secrets. Instead of “Free Pilates Workout,” you could say “My Secret To Flat Abs.” Or maybe you instill a little fear. As a substitute for “Get Healthy” try out something like “Things You Should Never Do If You Want To Live a Long Life.”

Now go out there and send some emails! Be consistent and publish often. My rule is at least twice a month. Leave your comments and questions below. Let’s get this conversation started!

Want more attention than a blog article can give? Allow me to give you a taste of the goodness business coaching can bring. Schedule your 30 minute freebie session today!

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